


Compromised Identity

by Dana_Lexa



Category: Hero Too (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Coming Out, Superheroes, Transgender, trans awakening
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26926255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dana_Lexa/pseuds/Dana_Lexa
Summary: A shapeshifter goes under cover to infiltrate a superhero academy. But when your cover identity starts to feel more real than your "real" identity, you might be in danger of losing yourself... or maybe... finding yourself?A story written by playing Hero Too, a solo journaling RPG about teenage superheroes and messy trans narratives.
Kudos: 2





	1. Issue 1: Shifting Allegiances

**Author's Note:**

> This work was written using the solo journaling RPG [Hero Too](https://thatacegal.itch.io/hero-too) by Maria Fanning.
> 
> The rules of the game also shaped the structure of the fic, so I'll explain some of them for context. Each chapter is a first-person summary of one issue of a fictional 32-issue comic book series. Between journal entries, I rolled a d8 to see how many issues ahead the next entry will be. Once I had an idea of where in the overall story that journal would be, I rolled another 2d8 to get prompts/complications from two tables, one for "Superhero Nonsense" and one for "Gender Feelings". That's why the issue numbers in the titles jump ahead randomly, and the story does too, with probably-important events implied or omitted. I hope the narrative is understandable anyway.
> 
> While not a direct fanfic, it is heavily inspired by teenage superhero stories like Teen Titans, Young Justice, My Hero Academia, and also Masks (the RPG) podcasts like Roll to Breath, and Unlabelled AP.
> 
> Additional thanks to this [Seventh Sanctum Superhero/Villain Name Generator](https://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=superheronameorg), which I used to generate most of the incidental NPC names.
> 
> Also, this is my first work submitted to AO3, so if there are tags or warnings I should have included, or something else I neglected, please let me know.
> 
> In addition to the tags, cw in this chapter for fatphobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In addition to the tags, cw in this chapter for fatphobia

So, here I am. My first big infiltration mission. Putty Girl, or rather, Raina Rayburn, or rather, Jake Stone. Agent Dire said I should keep a diary - something well-hidden, where nobody would find it, but I should have it because it's easy to lose yourself on these deep cover missions. Plus I can keep track of any lies, double-check what I've said. He said, shapeshifters like me, we sometimes forget who we really are, deep down, and what matters to us. He wanted me to remember that.

So this is who I really am. Jake Stone. I always knew I was different, that I didn't fit in, and it made sense when my powers came in - but my parents were scared of me, thought I was a freak. I was dangerous, I guess, when I couldn't control myself and my limbs got too big or too long or I just started changing into people I was looking at. I'm sure my dad though I was a creep, too, cause of that. But what I needed was help, and Agent Dire was the one that offered it, said if I went with him he'd protect me, protect others from me, and show me how to use my powers however I wanted. My parents didn't want to help, they wanted me to pretend I was normal. So I went with Dire. That was the first time someone saw my powers as something useful, something amazing, so of course I did. And the more he trained me, the more _I_ thought they were amazing.

But he always said he was training me to do great things, and here I am. I always wondered what it would be like to go to Paragon Academy but my parents refused to even listen to me about it. Agent Dire insisted, said the kids training here were being taught to take advantage of their powers to become celebrities and exploit people instead of help them. They're all going to end up reinforcing the shitty status quo, unless we do something to stop it. So he wanted me to come up with an identity, use my shapeshifting powers to become that identity, and join the school. Infiltrate, keep an eye out, make "friends". Learn their weaknesses, the teachers', the layout of the school. He said he had plans, and didn't want me to know them - to keep me safe, in case I was caught and they tried to extract information from me - but he needs to know as much about the school, students, and staff as possible.

He also said I'd be on the metahuman registry after some of the… incidents, not to mention missing person reports (if my parents even "missed" me), so I should look different. Pretending to be a girl was my idea, I said nobody would connect us. He said, what, like Jane Sloan? And I said that was dumb. But I picked my own name, and he got it into the system and made sure I was enrolled. Raina Rayburn. Couldn't think of anything else for my hero name so I just put down the first thing that came to mind.

First day at Paragon Academy….. well I guess by teenager standards it went terribly, by secret infiltrator standards it was fine. Right away, I'm so nervous as I walk in, afraid somehow everybody's just gonna _know_ that I shouldn't be there, I wasn't looking and ran into this girl… Brianna, it turned out later, or Turtle-Girl. Yeah, unimpressive name but I can't talk. Of course, I wasn't looking where I was going, but she also was standing in the middle of the stairs. Or… walking. Slowly. Didn't move at all when I ran into her, though. I tried to stammer out an apology but I ran out of steam before she finished turning around to apologize to me. I guess she feels bad about taking up space and moving slowly but I was so nervous I barely heard her, and I almost flubbed and forgot my own name. I mean, you know, the name I was supposed to give. She does seem nice, though, and I said I'd watch out so nobody else ran into her on the way to orientation. I really felt bad that I hadn't seen her and didn't want her to feel like it was her fault.

Unfortunately, someone else didn't feel that way. Joss was everything I expected from the way Agent Dire described heroes. A shitty, self-absorbed jock, who calls himself Captain Wonderful. He laughed and said, "Wide load coming through" when he saw me and Brianna walking together, and I was about to stretch my arm across the hall to punch him but Brianna just said not to give him the time of day. She smiled like she'd made a joke, which I didn't really get, but we kept walking toward the orientation because we didn't have much time before

Oh

fuck

Fucking

I just got it

That wasn't even funny

Ugh

I guess I'll tell Brianna I was the slow one after all

I bet she'd appreciate that.

_Fuck_ , I can't even write any more of this tonight


	2. Issue 4: Old and New Faces

So, today was, uh… nerve wracking, to say the least.

We were supposed to pair off and spar to show Professor Midnight what we can do, but I guess she got trapped in another dimension or something and won't be back until Monday, so we got a substitute teacher… Mr. Mendez. The same Mr. Mendez that taught me English last year. I thought I was done for - which was dumb, of course, I don't even look like me, I don't even look like my gender, but I was really nervous anyway. And… well, there's another Jake in the class, Jake Sanders, The were-groundhog. I really hate when he's around because I keep thinking someone's calling my name, and well… when Mr. Mendez shouted it out, I almost responded and caught it in my throat.

I hoped it wasn't noticeable but Brianna (Turtle-Girl) asked if I was okay later, so I guess it was obvious something was up. Agent Dire said the best way to keep track of your lies is to make sure they have a grain of truth, so I told her he was a teacher at my old school. And he must have not recognized me because I looked really different back then. I think… I realized that didn't make sense if I didn't explain why he didn't recognize my name but Darcy, uh, y'know Hot Stuff (god I still can't believe she named herself that) was there and just put a hand on my shoulder and said it was okay. I… I really don't understand what she meant, I think, but she said she wanted to go shopping. I guess she thought it would cheer me up.

I thought it was weird but… I appreciated the gesture anyway. I also didn't really… have many "girly" clothes, but I figured, plenty of girls wear t-shirts and jeans, right? But Bri and Darcy said they wanted me to try some things on and… I dunno, it was nice to see how I looked in skirts and dresses and boots. I thought it would feel weird, since I'm really a guy under here, but it was… I dunno, it felt good. I guess I spent a lot of time paying attention to my appearance while training to get the details right if I was mimicking someone, but I never really thought about whether I liked how I looked? I guess it makes sense, I never really liked how I looked before, and I wanted to be someone else… but then why do I feel this way about a lie???

  
I ended up panicking again in the store… I ruined the shopping trip, and Darcy just hugged me and said it was fine, she shouldn't have pushed me. I still don't really know what she meant but… I guess it was obvious I was still nervous. I'm not really used to… people paying that much attention to me. Which made me more nervous. I did get a sweater, though. She said it looked cute on me, and Brianna agreed. I didn't want to argue anymore so I agreed, and took it home. I guess that means Raina looks cute in it, not me me, but… I'm still kinda glad they thought so.

Still, some clever spy I am… week two and I'm having breakdowns from clothes shopping. I guess it's a girly thing to do, so that makes me believable. I can't help but feel like I was found out somehow, though, but I guess if they knew I was faking who I was, they would have told someone, and they didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hero Too prompts for this chapter.  
> Hero Nonsense: A new substitute teacher from your previous school arrives  
> Gender Feelings: You go shopping for gender affirming clothes


	3. Issue 5: Evaluation

Alright, well, uh, Things got a lot more complicated.

We did the actual evaluations today, and I just showed off my ability to stretch, like planned, I didn't let Professor Midnight know I can disguise myself or anything. Turtle-Girl (Brianna) didn't win her match but "Captain Wonderful" got tired out trying to hit her shell. I think he might have hurt his hands but didn't want to admit it. Hot Stuff (Darcy) got paired up with Aquiline, I uh, think Professor Midnight thought they would have water powers, but they turned into a big eagle. I think Hot Stuff felt bad she almost burned them but they got out of the way. I had to fight a guy calling himself Fist Scream??? I guess he can make sonic punches, and I took a few hits but since I've already done some training I was able to take them. There was also someone named Shrinkanoid, who uh, shrunk real small, and he was fighting with Wood Sword, who just, has a wooden sword. I'm trying to remember all of them because I'm supposed to report on their weaknesses, right? That was the plan.

Well, anyway, while we were out on the track field sparring, there was an explosion out by the parking lot, and Professor Midnight said we all did great and were dismissed early and ran off. I guess some villains were trying to attack the school, but the teachers were stopping them pretty easily… I mean that's why I'm here, right? I wonder if they were related to Agent Dire's plans, or just random nobodies. I wanted to go see (which some of the other kids did), to see what the defenses were, but Darcy actually pulled me away while most of the other students were fighting. She said she wanted to talk in private.

That was when things really went south. She apologized again for "pushing you out of your comfort zone". I still wasn’t sure what she meant and she… shit, well, basically she said,

"I just assumed you hadn't gotten many chances to buy clothes, but I don't know where you are in your transition, maybe you're not ready to try femme clothes, or you just don't like them, it's fine, I know I was really excited to try on a dress for the first time but not every trans girl needs to-"  
  
 _That_ was when I choked, and my face went hot. "Wh-wait, trans? I mean, what are, I'm not-"  
  
Her eyes went wide and her face turned bright red as well, "What do you- oh no, I thought- with the teacher, and the name."  


I was high-key panicking at that point, she'd gotten _entirely_ the wrong impression, I mean I'm not- I don't _want_ to be a girl, I just literally thought of the furthest thing from myself as a disguise, but I couldn't _say that_ so I didn't… well, in my panic I managed to squeak out,  
  
"I didn't.…secret…"  
  
Darcy held my hand and I must have turned an even deeper red. She looked me in the eyes and said, "I'm so, so sorry Raina. I thought… I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't think you knew that I knew… I mean I, I thought… I thought _were_ telling us. Like it's hard to say out loud, so you just, y'know said you… had changed your look a lot? I thought, yeah I got what you meant!"  
  
"...us?"  
  
"Y-yeah I… told Bri too, I'm so sorry _I thought you were trying to tell us on purpose_. Oh my god."

I… didn't really know what to say at that point, I guess I must have been crying because she handed me a handkerchief. I was prepared for _are you a spy_ or _did you fake your way into the school_ , but not _are you transgender_. You'd think that would be easy… I could just say "yes," and it would explain away anything I don't want to talk about in my past, but… but the thought of lying about that really makes me feel twisted up inside. It's a fucked up thing to lie about, right? And… and Darcy told _me_ that she's… trans. Now she thinks we have that in common, so what if… what if she asks me about it? What would I even say? I thought I was prepared to betray people, to lie to them about who I am, but… lying about that just seems… cruel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hero Too Prompts  
> Superhero Nonsense: The Academy comes under attack by villains  
> Gender Feelings: You don’t come out on your own terms to a fellow student


	4. Issue 13: Internal Struggle

Well… everybody's heard of "never meet your heroes". Of course, nobody would be going to Paragon Academy if they really believed that (unless, I guess, they had an ulterior motive as a spy to learn the Academy's weaknesses). But… it turns out that still holds true. Sure, Agent Dire told me about how professional heroes care more about fame and money than helping people, and the whole pro hero system enforces that outlook. Trains the kids to think that way. But I didn't think… well I guess I didn't think they were all like that.

Anyway, I usually don't get any specific missions from Agent Dire. He doesn't want me to compromise my cover, just pass information when I can. But this week was different. He said there was some kind of super-drug going around that could make people stronger, and I should keep an eye out for it and get him a sample if at all possible. I guess he thought if it was making powers stronger, some of the kids at the school might be using it. That wasn't where I found it, though. This week we started interning for professional heroes, and I submitted my name to work with Gold Fist. Brianna and Darcy... warned me about her. They said she was known to be "weird" about... well, trans people. But I figured those were just rumours – I mean, I always looked up to Gold Fist, she didn't just fight villains, she fought for equality and justice. I... should have trust my friends. Especially when I realized the other person signed up to work with Gold Fist was Captain Wonderful.

The first couple of days were fine, she gave us some speeches about how important it was to teach the right values to the next generation, and how our part as superheroes was to not just fight crime but to fight injustice. She talked about how a lot of people doubted her when she started as a hero, because she was a woman (and she was looking right at me when she said it), but she's proven herself time and time again. It was, honestly, pretty inspirational, even if I wasn't really planning to be a professional hero. Or a woman. I figured, y'know, she's fought the pro hero industry to get the attention she deserves, she'd probably understand why it needs to be torn down. Then we did some patrols around the city, and I even got to use my stretchy powers to swing around a bit, which I've never really done out in the open... that was fun, yeah!

On Wednesday, though, there was a real emergency. Someone was trying to rob a convenience store, and when got there the situation was way out of hand. They must have had fire powers, like Hot Stuff, but they were out of control. They were covered in flames, things in the store were starting to catch fire, and some people that had been hiding in the back were trapped. It was obvious the robber wasn't able to turn off their powers, and probably couldn't even pick up any cash if they got it. Captain Wonderful (ugh) knocked a hole through the back wall to make an escape route, while I made my hands big and started putting out fires by clapping air at them. Gold Fist used her invulnerability to get close and try to talk them down, but it turned into a fight... a short one, as she knocked them out handily. I guess that's what happens when someone inexperienced with their powers goes up against a pro. I was actually thrilled at how well we worked together... until I saw her face as she put handcuffs on them.

She looked... grossed out. I looked down and... I don't... I know I shouldn't have even thought it, and I felt awful for thinking it, but apparently Gold Fist did too. "Oh, this person is trans". For a moment I wondered if I was the one jumping to conclusions, but Gold Fist looked around, saw everyone else was evacuated, and her façade dropped for a moment she told me, "take this weirdo onto the street in case he lights up again. Let me know if he's got anything on him, a lot of times when crooks try to rob convenience stores they're on drugs, or out of drugs, or whatever". That was when my stomach churned, as I realized she'd seen my face and thought I agreed with her. I just swallowed, nodded, and lifted the unconscious person (making my hands big to scoop them carefully) and carried them outside, wondering why they were trying to rob a store. I didn't know anything about them, but I'm also a villain, and have my own reasons. I had a lot more in common with this person than with my hero.

As I set them on the street outside, in the area that was already cleared by barriers, I noticed their scorched jacket had something inside the breast pocket and pulled it out. A small, soot-covered bottle with the Delta symbol on it – I recognized it from class – and some clear liquid. Maybe this was what Agent Dire meant. Maybe this was why their powers went out of their own control. I thought about taking it back to Gold Fist, but my stomach flopped again imagining what she'd say. There was a crowd at the barriers, of course, but I just stood up and told them, "stay back, they're not dangerous for now, but we don't know if they'll be dangerous when they wake up." As I waited for a villain containment van to show up, I slipped the bottle into my pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hero Too Prompts  
> Superhero Nonsense: A mysterious new super-serum is going through the city  
> Gender Feelings: You are forced to intern for a known transphobic hero


	5. Issue 17: Blowing Off Steam

It was Friday when I asked Brianna and Darcy to meet me on Saturday. But I'd been feeling more and more awful just thinking about it, and they clearly knew something was up for at least a week. I never talked about… gender stuff, after the first week, and they respected that even though I think Darcy felt a little hurt, or guilty about it. Well, probably nothing compared to my guilt.

I really wanted somewhere private to talk, but the apartment Agent Dire set me up with wasn't really private, so I suggested a park, instead. It was cold, so I wore the sweater that I'd bought the first time we hung out outside school. When they showed up, I found a private picnic area and we were just dead silent, with the weight of what I was trying to say hanging over me, and the two of them trying to give me room to start.

"I… haven't been honest with either of you. I thought that… I mean, I… look, I've been lying to you from the start. I'm not… I'm not Raina, I never was." At this point, I relaxed my shapeshifting powers and they saw me as the teen boy I really was. I felt like I'd been stabbed, but there was nothing I could do but press on. I was already avoiding eye contact, but I continued. "My… my real name is Jake. I… I made up fake a person, and I wasn't, that wasn't who I really am, I-"

"No," Darcy insisted. She looked hurt, but I couldn't tell if she was hurt by me or for me. "You don't have to do this, we know who you are," she reached across the table toward my hand and I jerked mine away, "and wh-whoever is forcing you to do this, they're wrong. I'll fucking, tell me who told you this, I'll-"

Her hands were already igniting when I closed my eyes and shook my head, "please, no, it's not that, just listen. I just need you to listen to everything, please. I… I need you to hear everything. I was sent on a mission to infiltrate the school, and I can change my appearance. So I made up a persona, Raina, so I wouldn't be recognized and I… I mean… I did change my name, and my appearance, like you thought, but… it wasn't because I was trans. I was just lying, and you assumed the rest." I opened my eyes and saw that Darcy was confused, and furious. Her anger was turning from some unknown outsider to me - where it deserved to be.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… I mean I didn't want to claim that… you deserve to be angry, you deserve to be treated better, I never should have-" my sputtering and babbling was interrupted, suddenly, by a hug from behind.

Brianna, while moving slowly, has a way of getting to places without noticing, and as focused as I was on how I betrayed Darcy's trust, I didn't even notice her get up. Even though she was behind me, I could feel her warm smile, like always. "I know who you are. Whatever you look like, or call yourself, you're our friend."

Finally, with my whole body, I started sobbing, and my face was wet and hot with tears. "But I… I want it to be true. I want to be Raina. I want to be Putty-Girl… I want to be a girl. I want to be your friend."

As she realized what I was actually saying, Darcy's flames went out. While I kept sobbing in Brianna's arms, Darcy stood up, and moved to the sit next to me on my side of the table. "I'm still really mad at you for lying to me for so long. I understand why it was hard, I do, but I'm, I'm still mad, okay?" She leaned against me and reached an arm over Brianna's, to hold me as well, "but I'm also very proud of you. And we're here for you. Okay, Raina? We're here for you. We're going to figure this out. I promise whatever you're feeling right now, it's okay, and we'll get through it."

I'd run out of words, but kept sobbing. Brianna just hugged tighter, and said, "take as long as you need. Then we'll get something nice, like ice cream."

I felt Darcy's head, next to mine, shake gently back and forth. "No, we need more than that… hot chocolate… mochas. Mochas are perfect for friendship and gender bullshit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hero Too Prompts  
> Superhero Nonsense: A respite. I’m serious, just relax and have a day off  
> Gender Feelings: You come out on your own terms to a fellow student


	6. Issue 18: Limbo

By Monday, my head was in a fog. Nothing was real. Everything was more real than it had ever been. The last two days didn't exist. Nothing before two days ago had existed. Unfortunately, that also meant that even as I was going through the motions, I didn't remember it was another internship day until I was standing in Gold Fist's office, with Captain Wonderful. Ever since the convenience store, I felt uneasy around her, even moreso when she acted like I was a conspirator, someone to whom she could confide her feelings she knew were too "problematic" for her public image.

I knew that… I knew that it was wrong, the way she talked in private about trans people, nonbinary people, or anyone else she thought was… threatening, or stealing, somehow, the opportunities she fought for as a female hero, or just laughed about their appearance. But I thought that was because I was worried for other trans people, like Darcy and Aquiline, and of course I still was, but there was a cold clarity that I'd also been afraid and disgusted because I knew deep down she was talking about me. Every sneer or snicker was just reinforcing what I thought I knew - that I was a fraud, an infiltrator, that by calling myself "Raina" and picking the shape that I did - by letting Darcy think I'd already transitioned, faced the same problems she had - I was stealing credit for someone else's struggles and victories. She wasn't even saying any of that right now, it's not like she did every single day, but while she gave us another pep talk about equality and justice, I was obsessively replaying every one of those private comments or looks in my head.

Should I say something? Could I say something? Of course not… I was afraid of what she'd say or do if I spoke up before, why would it be different now?

  
Fortunately, I got a reprieve when she was called away for an emergency she deemed too dangerous for us interns. I was still lost in my head, but at least I could go back to being alone. Or, that's what I thought until Captain Wonderful spoke up.  
  
"Uh, hey, uh… Putty-Girl."  
  
I'd forgotten he was here with me, in Gold Fist's office, where I was supposed to be…. I don't know, I didn't even register what she told me to do until she got back. Captain Wonderful had mostly left me alone since I confronted him about being a shithead to me and Brianna and some of the other students a few weeks ago. For a moment, an irrational part of me yelled, he knows, he knows, somehow he knows and he's going to tell everyone, but I tried to push it aside.

Instead, I tried to pull myself together enough to talk to him.  


"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking about what you said to me, y'know, before you punched me." Shit, I somehow forgot I'd done that, instead of just wanting to. My hand stung all day. "That I'd make a better villain than a hero. I was really mad when you said that. I thought, being a hero is about punching bad guys, and I'm really good at that. Or I think I would be, anyway. But then I thought… I thought about why I wanted to be a hero. 'Cause I grew up seeing dudes like Dinoble, and chi-, uh, women like Gold Fist, protecting people, and it made me feel safe."

I was a little dumbfounded. This was the most introspection I'd heard from Cap- from Joss in the months I'd been in class with him. The most I'd heard him talk that wasn't about how great he was, or about how great his favorite pro heroes were. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Sorry, I know, I'm bad at this stuff. I just mean… the stuff you said, that I make other people feel bad to make myself feel better, you were right. An' I shoulda been thinking about how heroes make people feel. Which is, uh, good. So I mean, I'm sorry. That's all I was trying to say."  
  
I didn't know what to say to that, his demeanor was so different from what I was used to. Was this some kind of act? Had his meathead jock persona always been an act? Had he changed that much in a few weeks because of something I said? Fuck, I'd changed so much, while trying to pretend nothing was going on, maybe…

Joss cut into my internal monologue again, as I guess I'd just left him hanging in silence. "Sorry, this was dumb. You didn't want to talk to me, I'm just some jerk, you've probably got your own problems." He got up to leave, but I reached out across the room to grab his shoulder and stop him.  
  
I realized I had been annoyed, reflexively - how dare he have an existential crisis when I was in the middle of my existential crisis? But, that wasn't fair. "Look… I'm not… I'm not some perfect kid either. I think maybe I'm better at pretending to be a good person than you, but I'm not. I'm still figuring this shit out. And I'm not the one you need to apologize to. But… it's not dumb. Thank you for trying, Joss."

Still looking defeated, he went back to his chair, at the side of the office, next to me.  
  
"Thanks, uh… uh… Put-"  
  
"It's Raina. My… my real name is Raina."  
  
"Yeah, thanks, I kinda… uh… forgot."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hero Too Prompts  
> Superhero Nonsense: A fellow student may be a villain  
> Gender Feelings: You are forced to intern for a known transphobic hero


End file.
